I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
