is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
