I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have post one night stand depression
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
