Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
