and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize