Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
