I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
