If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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