Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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