She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize