you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
