Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
