I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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