Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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