So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
