I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
