The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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