it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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