Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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