Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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