Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
