So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
honey bunches of taint.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
