Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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