I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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