I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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