..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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