I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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