SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
