Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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