loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
4 words: hood of his car
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
