don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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