No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
