Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
