He disabled his match.com account in front of me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
