This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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