I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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