You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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