Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
