Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
