Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
