You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
