Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
