bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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