Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
