I'm going to jail i love you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
BRING THE BAGELS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
