her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
