watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize