we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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