After last night, I could never be a politician.
accomplished twins. life is a go
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
