I don't usually arrange sex via text message
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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