so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Im part way to drunk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
