My friends, they love my intelligence
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
