so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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