Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
