So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
