I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
