i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
