Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize