were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we're making bets on your personal life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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