I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
