There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
