What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
