1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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