at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
